Boys Can't Man Up into Adulthood, They Have to Learn Emotional Skills

Boys sometimes have their male influences wanting them to "man-up" to adulthood and their female influences wanting them to stay sweet and innocent. They can often end up facing life without really being prepared for it and getting very angry.  Experts suggest that boys need to become emotionally literate.  And maybe that is a much greater challenge than parents' anticipate.  But if boys don't become emotionally literate, "little things" can set off big negative reactions. When it gets out of hand, well, it gets out of hand. 

Those who have emotional literacy can understand their emotions, listen to others and put themselves in another's shoes to understand what they might be feeling. Emotionally literate boys learn to express themselves and to handle their emotions in acceptable ways. Emotionally literate boys  have healthy relationships,  show love, and cooperate with others. But it can take some time for them to acquire emotional literacy.

In the book, Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, the authors talk about the challenges of raising boys.  There are videos and much to read on the book and the authors.  I just want to express one thought here in this post, rather than give you the run-down on the book because the authors do that better than I can ever do myself. 

Mom's have to get a grip and learn to lighten up at times.

In the book, one mom is described as giving lots of support, love and affection to a son.  But as the boy gets older, he wants to pull away a little from Mom--to gain some autonomy. Mom becomes concerned at this reaction and she reacts by attempting to force herself on the child--knocking on his bedroom door, calling for his attention, and insists that everything remains the same.  The authors point out that  boys need to move on a little from the Mom and this is normal. A Mom should not feel a sense of failure when boys do this.  Stay in there, provide support, but recognize that battles relating to this struggle can occur as a boy ages. A Mom is not going to get her way every step along the journey. It helps to understand that the boy is just attempting to grow up a little and as a boy ages, he continues to test. The Mom needs to remain confident.  The Mom needs to help her son develop confidently as well. 

In my book, The Brown and White, I talk about Collin Callaghan going off to high school each day and the Mom trying to deal with a new smaller place in his life.  The Mom in the book comes to surprise Collin with a knitted brown beret and scarf that came close to upsetting Collin. But in this case, rather than get angry and upsetting his mother, he decided to go with it and accept his fate on the bus with his friends and his new wardrobe. At it turns out, the friends don't care and it all turns out just fine except for one problem.  The scarf stretches longer each day and Collin ends up wrapping it around his body more each day.  Eventually, it looks more like a rope than a scarf. 

Parents teach a boy about caring about others feelings and this can come back to serve the parents and son.  A boy is also taught to look out for his mom by the example of the Dad and others in the family. 

Don't Wait Till the Snow Flies to Buy the Brown and White

Illustration by Bill Potter, Copyright 2017, Sporting Chance Press

Bill Potter's Abdominal Snowman comes to mind as we are making our way through August and towards the fall. It won't be too long before you'll head those Christmas songs and you start to feel rushed. Take some worry off you mind and order a couple dozen copies of The Brown and White for everyone on you list! Send your request directly to me (lmj.norris@gmail.com) and I'll sign them and ship them myself along with an invoice. 

 The Brown and White will be selling well when we get closer to the time when people show an interest in the Abdominal Snowman and holiday purchases. And yet, this time of year does seem right for The Brown and White in another way.

Forty plus years in the making, The Brown and White is a fictionalized memoir that tells the story of Collin Callaghan's freshman year at a Chicago Catholic High School. And the book begins about this time of year as Collin is heading off to school. So this may be a good time to sell The Brown and White, even though August is not a great time for selling books--as least I have not found it so.

Lawrence Norris, The Brown and White

Collin is a white boy who is living in turbulent times in a changing city. He clings to his neighborhood and his family as he heads out each day with his classmates on the Brown and White, the ancient school bus driven by free-spirited Willie. Memorable characters abound as this story unfolds. Collin's loveable family, especially his Irish Catholic policeman father and his Irish immigrant mother face life together. Collin and classmates blaze their own humorous and passionate trail through the late 1960s. A unique cast of terrific teachers are there to see the boys through. Laughs and life meet readers head on as they travel on the Brown and White.

I remember laughing very hard at times in high school. In some way, most everything was funny. And that's one thing I hope people get out of The Brown and White. Whether it brings back memories of their own high school days that stirs a smile or they just find some of the situations funny, I think readers will like The Brown and White. 

My Poem: Mice and Ghosts by Lawrence Norris

Mice come into the house from cold fall air
and haunt my kitchen until I set traps for them.
My neighbor tells me they must make a home
out in the old pile of logs where the rabbits go.


But there's something spiritual in my wood pile
it holds relics of my old apple tree
and I can't bring myself to get rid of the logs
summer home of mice and hiding place for rabbits.

But like all dead things I hold onto,  it brings trouble,
memories of mistakes I have made that sneak up
and cry out on these cloudy winter days
scolding me for what I failed to do in summer.

So on these cold mornings when nothing is warm
and even the squirrels won't come out of their nests,
I sometimes battle ghosts stuck in my head
like mice that come in from the cold, haunting my kitchen.

Copyright 2017, Sporting Chance Press

Norris is the author of The Brown and White, a fictionalized memoir published by Sporting Chance Press about a young man's freshman year at the late 1960s in Chicago. It's about changing neighborhoods and challenges, but humorous and positive as well.

The Brown and White: The Timing and the Audience

You probably know that when you have a product to sell you have just seconds of time--whether it's on social media or some other media. People talk about an elevator speech and they often say, even when  you have to sell yourself (like for a job), you only have  a few seconds.  I suppose it's even worse than that when you have to send information online and someone has developed an app that can score whatever it is you have submitted and kill of the statistically unwanted. 

When you write a book these days, it's also important to have some clearly defined descriptive lines that you can use to get people's interest. Yet, books are by their nature usually a little more complicated than that. I find it amazing when you are interested in one book or a movie--and then  you get bombarded by messages about "like kind" products. 

But you know there is a lot of money that gets passed around for products that are cross-sold, so sometimes the programs that exist to connect the dots are not accurate. Most people have giggled a little at times on a list of movies that a provider suggests you may be interested in because you watched something else. I may be wrong, but I have a tendency to interpret the message as "you'll like this because you read that and someone paid us to suggest the connection. 

On my book called The Brown and White, writing an accurate description is easy enough:

Forty plus years in the making, The Brown and White is a fictionalized memoir that tells the story of Collin Callaghan's freshman year at a Chicago Catholic High School. Collin is a white boy who is living in turbulent times in a changing city. He clings to his neighborhood and his family as he heads out each day with his classmates on the Brown and White, the ancient school bus driven by free-spirited Willie. Memorable characters abound as this story unfolds. Collin's loveable family, especially his Irish Catholic policeman father and his Irish immigrant mother face life together. Collin and classmates blaze their own humorous and passionate trail through the late 1960s. A unique cast of terrific teachers are there to see the boys through. Laughs and life meet readers head on as they travel on the Brown and White.

I think this done a decent job, but at the same time it difficult with this book. The setting is a changing city, but the book is not focused on civil rights or the conflicts of the day. It's there in the background, but the book is primarily simple and humorous. I was not writing the story of the black experience of the time--I read many books on that in high school and college, but I had to make that clear to readers.  I am not a second coming of James Baldwin.  I've said that in interviews. 

Even my simple book is not so simple to describe. 

Also, my book is about a high school boy, but women are more important for the story than someone might surmise.  In interviews, I like to mention that fact. I think the chapter on my mom is one of the best. 

Another thing that I find interesting (and frustrating) today is that often people tend to place a book into a very specific sub-genre.  Many readers tend to want books that are very specific towards their lives and interest. I am not sure if that's a good thing. 

I was inspired by John Powers who lived a few miles from house and wrote Last Catholic in America and Do Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up. These books are in fact about a grade school (Last Catholic) and a high school boy (Patent Leather), his friends and family. The last thing anyone would have said about them at the time is that grade school kids should like to read Last Catholic and high school kids should like to read Patent Leather. I started writing The Brown and White over 40 years ago when many people were devouring John Powers books. In my family, all of us were fans. But today, people want to pound books into a very specific category. Once some people understand the story, they want to limit the book's audience and appeal. My book is about high school, but it really isn't written for high school kids. 

Here's the Amazon write up on Patent Leather Shoes:

Growing up on Chicago’s South Side in the 1960s, Eddie Ryan is learning a lot—and not just from the Brothers at his all-boys Catholic high school. Eddie’s world is populated by peculiar adults, oddball classmates, and puzzling girls—the greatest mystery of all. He takes it all in through the prism of his Catholic upbringing, which often deepens the mystery, but sometimes clarifies it, too. Entering Eddie Ryan’s world will delight not only readers who grew up there with him, but also those too young to remember.

I don't think adults were turned off by the description then, but I have to wonder about now and how people might have Pidgeon holed it.

The Brown and White is an Easy Read

I wanted The Brown and White to be accessible to many people so they could be "taken back" in time to 1967-1968, a time that was scary in some ways and comforting in others.  I was a boy going to a tough school in a dangerous neighborhood. You might think that the book is all about boys for boys, but that's not the case.  It's a story about a boy, his family, his friends, his faith, his teachers, and  his school. 

I have some nice reviews on Amazon, but I am not the best promoter. Many people have told me that they like my book, but have not run off to Amazon to give me a great review (some have and I am eternally grateful for these people). 

My book is $12.50 on Amazon.  I hope you will give it a go...

Brown Scapular as Catholic Dog Tags

Tom Perna has a blog and he posted a great piece on Catholic Dog Tags, the Brown Scapular. I picked it up from a Facebook post from Chicago radio personality and writer, Mike Houlihan, who like me went to Mount Carmel High School in Chicago.  The Brown Scapular was certainly significant for everyone who went to Mount Carmel. 

A lot of us Baby-boomers were believers-then non-believers-then believers at various times in our life.  I mean for us, the generational mantra was "is it relevant" and at least for a while many of us, we were "far out there" and not on solid ground and Catholicism seemed out of touch. I remember arguing with one of my college friends who believed God was a space alien. I was "far out" there somewhere, but I was not buying that nonsense.  Now-a-days, that same friend of mine is so far to the Christian right, he thinks Saint JP II was a liberal. Latin is the only church language for him, etc.

In the 1970s, books and theories about aliens causing practically every phenomena known to man were extremely popular. People were adapting to a new freedom of thought, but the alien thing didn't hit home for me. I was back at church as I started to be Dad to one, two, three, four---and then five and six.  Now, I am grandfather to one, two and three so far.  I don't know exactly how I am doing, but at least I'm pretty good at simple addition.

Getting Back to Scapulars

I think it's fair to say that a lot of people who wore scapulars in their youth are back it today, but I really don't know.  Perna points out in his post, that in 1251, "the Blessed Mother appeared to Saint Simon Stock, Prior General of the Carmelites in England, and showed him the scapular...Through Our Lady’s motherly Queenship and Advocacy, the Scapular has a strong spiritual ability since she intercedes for the graces when things seem dark and hopeless." For Catholics, the Blessed Mother is a "Blessed Mother" and we pray for her to intercede.

I am not going to get off on the Da Vinci Code right now, but I have to believe the dumbest thing to pin on Catholicism is to see it as male dominated religion.  Our Catholic moms guided us as kids at home and the Sisters were the strongest teaching influence. Most of our dads were working, working and working. Priests were infrequently seen compared to the women in our lives. And powerful priests may have guided the ship of a Catholic parish, but the Sisters were the ones that carried most everything out and interpreted most everything for us.  

When the Fascists and Communists tried to take over the culture in Germany and Russia, they outlawed religious youth groups. If they tried to do that in the United States in the 1950s and 1960s, they would have been tossing a lot of nuns in jail to do it. It's ironic in that the fight for equality in jobs has led women to a much less influential position in many homes and in the church itself. I don't say that as some kind of reactionary, I just think the Moms today have nowhere near the influence on their kids that they had back in the Baby Boom Era and the lack of nuns is a fundamental loss and tragedy. 

Many couples have no children at all today. And many young people hold onto two or more part time jobs to make ends meet. Kids have been replaced with Smart Phones, technology bills, fantasy league sports, cars, restaurants, concerts, and connectivity with hundreds of Facebook friends.

But, the Scapular serves as kind of road-sign for our faith and more and maybe, just maybe it will be a trendsetter towards a rebirth in the importance of many good things. Perhaps the importance of children and leading a faith-filled life. 

Lawrence Norris is the author of the thoroughly entertaining book, The Brown and White, a nostalgic look at boys Catholic High School back in 1967-1968.

Mass was a Litmus Test for Catholics

Going to Mass was a litmus test for Catholics back in the day. Going to Mass was getting your Catholic card punched each week. You might not be a saint, but if you went to Mass you were in the game. You recognized the reach and the power of the Man upstairs.  You were a believer in a profound way.

A few of the neighborhood men appeared to be among the worst sinners around, who were Catholic.  These were the guys who swore a little too much in front of kids and women. These were the guys who might be swigging a beer at 11 AM on the weekends. These were the guys who didn't seem to have love for their family. Some of them went to Mass—as if to say I know I am no good, but there is always a chance at redemption. Then there were other men that gave Mass attendance up. No Mass, but they'd wash the car on Sunday—stick out like a sore thumb on the block. 

Regardless of how you might have felt about faith or religion, these guys were just not operating well any longer in society. There was something wrong with them, with their lifestyle and they were in trouble. 

But back in those days, there were also a lot of very faithful women who like Saint Monica got down on their knees and prayed for anyone who seemed to lose the faith.  I knew some men who did it as well.  For Catholics, there is never any problem, never, that can't be addressed by prayer. So, wives, mothers, daughters and sometimes fathers, brothers and sons prayed for those who lost their way. And sometimes redemption came. 

That's the kind of faith that can help bring it all together again for the future. Going to Mass might not make you the best Catholic, but it says in you are a member--that you accept something greater than yourself or your own lifestyle or schedule.

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Forty plus years in the making, The Brown and White is a fictionalized memoir that tells the story of Collin Callaghan's freshman year at a Chicago Catholic High School. Collin is a white boy who is living in turbulent times in a changing city. He clings to his neighborhood and his family as he heads out each day with his classmates on the Brown and White, the ancient school bus driven by free-spirited Willie. Memorable characters abound as this story unfolds. Collin's lovable family, especially his Irish Catholic policeman father and his Irish immigrant mother face life together. Collin and classmates blaze their own humorous and passionate trail through the late 1960s. A unique cast of terrific teachers are there to see the boys through. Laughs and life meet readers head on as they travel on the Brown and White.