Parents: Focus on the Good Stuff

Kids on Swing, Library of Congress

Most parents suffer though some consternation over what are good things for kids and what are bad things.  Sometimes it is obvious (arts, sports, etc.), sometimes it is not so obvious (internet, movies, popular music).  But I think most will agree, good things can help our kids become good people. One way to proceed is with activites that you know are good. 

I always like sports and the arts.  Many kids have a natural attraction to sports and it really doesn't take much to make it a positive experience.  [Our book on baseball principles, The 10 Commandments of Baseball, spells out great things that can be taught in a baseball program.] But coaches and administrators do have to be focused on bringing out the good and sharing the benefits with the kids.  We've all seen examples of the "bad" parent who screams awful comments at kids, umpires and coaches.  Some parents want the games to revolve around their offspring and they cannot seem to tolerate the human part of the game.  But in many sports, the basic fundamentals of teamwork, sacrifice and discipline offer so many positive experiences--it's worth some effort to make it work. 

Even Mistakes can be Positive

Kids make errors all the time and often in a game like baseball, mistakes are a big part of the game.  For example, at a higher level, a very good hitter gets on base one out of three times. That means the player does not get on base two of three times! This in itself is a good lesson.  Kids should learn that great efforts do not produce great results 100% of the time.  But the important lesson is to keep trying and overcome the difficulties. Good sports lessons are often good life lessons. 

Arts

In the arts, lessons can be a little more subtle sometimes, but early on it can be tough for parents!  If you have ever had a child who learned to play a musical instrument, you know how much patience it takes and often how painful it can be for the both the child, parent and even teacher.  A beginning instrumentalist is often emitting sounds that are just horrible, but at that stage they need the most encouragement.  

Most parents have had the experience of looking at an early drawing by one of their kids and then trying to coax a description of the subject from your child because the parents are clueless.  The best parent is able to probe without showing any cynicism or criticism.  At the school's arts show, you can see parents of the gifted and parents of the struggling all putting on a good face for their offspring.  

Kids have gifts in some areas and are challenged in others.  Some kids have disabilities, but are exceptionally gifted in some areas.  When we appreciate the work they do, we are sending them on the way to greater things (we hope). 

Healthy and Compassionate People

As a parent, we understand that many programs provide good experiences that can help our kids grow up to be healthy and compassionate people.  If we promote things that can often lead to success later in life, but we teach our kids to be cruel and self-centered, chances are that our child will not be happy in life.  So experiences that lead to success and compassion are things that most parents seek. 

Oops Sometimes

In sports, some people often have problems in understanding just how things might end up in the long term.  Objectively, we might have a great understand of how this works for everyone else, but we may not think so clearly about our situation.  As a child gets older, the gate to the next level of play tends to get narrower and narrower.  It's important to help make it work when the child is involved and also help direct the child when it is all. 

In Sports and Faith: More Stories of the Devoted and the Devout, Patrick McCaskey talks about former Chicago Bears kicker Bob Thomas and how he wrote about the direction we need to take with  sports if we want them to work for most kids.  There are programs out there that exist for thousands of kids, but seem to be focused on results that might help one or two who might go on the pros.  When I coached, I always hoped that I was preparing kid for the next level, but I didn't run the team as if that was the main goal. Many of the best coaches in early sports programs realize that when they make  teaching skills and developing character a goal, winning becomes less important. Fun is a sideline of these kind of efforts and it often revolves around a team that respects and appreciates team members. Fun comes when players achieve some success--when they become better.  If a coach gives up on teaching and helping kids develop their talents, and just goes for fun, it rarely works from my experience. A team is work and play. 

In team sports, it is often encumbent upon a coach to work the hardest with the players who need the most help.  Improvements with the weakest players can often create the greatest team improvement.  Focusing too much energy on a team's stars, can often limit a team's improvement in my opinion. When you coach a team sport like football or soccer, you learn pretty early how a weak player at any position can be exposed by the competition.  As kids get older, you need to bring the team skills up.  

End Game

At some point, chances are that your kids are going to reach their limit in competitive sports.  It may come in the early days of high school, college or even later, but for almost everyone, they go on to other things.  For many people today, it just means they switch gears a little. As they get older, they jog, hang out at the gym at times, play softball or golf, etc.  There are many things adults can do to help stay fit and also to have fun.  If they love competition at some level, there are many fun-runs, exercise courses, and activities that can keep them active and fit for most of their lives. 

An artist rarely has to stop playing an instrument or drawing, etc.  as they get older. They might not make the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, but there are community orchestras, open mic nights, or amateur exhibits to experience.  It's always fun for me to see someone playing the paino at holiday celebrations--a bit of a lost art today when compared to the past. If you participate in music, the arts, or sports, chances are that  you will always friends.  When we encourage kids and their activities in positive ways--it helps them to belong. 

The Brown and White

Forty plus years in the making, The Brown and White is a fictionalized memoir that tells the story of Collin Callaghan's freshman year at a Chicago Catholic High School. Collin is a white boy who is living in turbulent times in a changing city. He clings to his neighborhood and his family as he heads out each day with his classmates on the Brown and White, the ancient school bus driven by free-spirited Willie. Memorable characters abound as this story unfolds. Collin's loveable family, especially his Irish Catholic policeman father and his Irish immigrant mother face life together. Collin and classmates blaze their own humorous and passionate trail through the late 1960s. A unique cast of terrific teachers are there to see the boys through. Laughs and life meet readers head on as they travel on the Brown and White.